Usually shopping at Target is a pleasant experience. I like Target. It’s convenient. I mean, where else can I pick up t-shirts, almond milk, dog treats, and hummus, all in one spot? They usually have a clean store with workers scurrying about making sure the shelves are organized. But this past Saturday was different. Maybe the nasty tasting pho I had for lunch already set me off in the wrong direction (seriously, it takes some work to mess up a bowl of pho), or maybe it was a perfect storm of people I ran into in the store.
For the twenty-something girl at the customer return counter…it’s a place where there are a lot of customers (hence the name customer return counter). The line of people standing there probably don’t want to hear about how you haven’t had a raise in two years or how stupid so-and-so was late from coming back from his lunch break. There’s probably a few hundred thousand people in America right now who would gladly trade places with you and not complain that so-and-so was taking a longer-than-expected lunch break.
For F-bomb dude…dropping the f-bomb in front of your girlfriend (“Hell yeah I killed that F’ing vodka!”) does not make you look cool or tough. It makes you look like a tool. Like my high school math teacher, Mrs. Herndon, used to say, cursing makes you sound like you’re uneducated and don’t have the intelligence (or vocabulary) to express yourself (or complete your sentences).
To phlegmy-hacker man…You know this guy, the one who sounds like he’s going to hock a lougey only to end up swallowing it because there’s no place to spit – unlike the pool at 24-Hour Fitness (but that’s a different story, for another time). A few things…
1) That sound makes people sick. You’re better off blowing your nose one time…really hard.
2) They teach pre-schoolers and kindergartners to cough into their bent arm. Now, no one can buy the “Flight” DVD that you were looking at because you just hacked and sprayed all over it.
3) Stay at home next time.
And finally, the kicker…seriously. Three teens (two girls and one boy):
Girl 1: “Really! What’s the big deal? What did he do, anyways?”
This was pretty sad. I mean, you don’t need to be Ken Burns or be an AP History student, but at least have some kind of appreciation for American history. I actually debated whether or not to say something. Then I realized…what was I going to say? Visualizing this exchange, it kept playing out like some kind of SNL skit. One of those skits where Will Ferrell comes out and says something completely inappropriate. I decided against it…chalking it up to being “young and dumb.” Maybe one day they’ll get it…hopefully.