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On Being “Unbroken.” Four Life Lessons From Louis Zamperini

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Imagine being stuck on a tattered life raft in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  Hungry sharks periodically encircle the raft.  You’re on the verge of starvation and dehydration.  Your body is covered with painful sores from sweltering days and bone-chilling nights.  You endure this ordeal for more than 40 days only to find this was simply a warm-up to the pain, suffering, and humiliation to come.

So begins the incredible story of Louis Zamperini, beautifully captured by author Laura Hillenbrand in her book “Unbroken.”  Unbroken chronicles Louie’s life, from son of Italian immigrants to USC track star to Olympic distance runner.  But the heart of the book details Louie’s capture and survival as a Japanese POW in World War II.

I was drawn to this book because of Louie’s incredible life story.  But more importantly, I hoped to draw life lessons on how to overcome adversity from a man who exemplifies the power of the human spirit.

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Set Your Vision and Expectations: When Louie’s B-24 crashed into the Pacific Ocean, there were only three survivors.  After several days with no rescue in sight, the chances for survival became grim.  Louis and co-pilot Allen Phillips continued to pray and believe in their rescue.  The other surviving crewmember slowly gave up and slipped away.

What we visualize and expect sets the direction of our lives.  You blew a big presentation today.  The job interview that you killed never resulted in an offer.  We fail and are disappointed on a daily basis.  However, these are only steps forward to where we want to be.  Continue to hold that ideal picture of yourself and who you want to be.  If you don’t stop, you’ll eventually get there.

Cut A Toughness “Groove”:  A notoriously sadistic and brutal Japanese guard, Mutsuhiro Watanabe (nicknamed “The Bird”), was obsessed with Louie.  He singled Louie out from all the other POW’s, each day administering horrific beatings along with other de-humanizing tasks.  Louie refused to be broken by The Bird, standing as long as he could until his legs either gave from underneath him or he passed out.  These acts of defiance from Louie and other POW’s not only strengthened their resolve to survive; it made them stronger.

Scientific research shows that our mind is malleable, meaning we can form patterns or “grooves” in how we act or respond.  Nietzsche’s famous quote – “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” – accurately describes this phenomenon.  We face a fear, conquer a challenge, or fail and get back up.  All of these things help us improve; but more importantly, strengthen our mind for the next time.  So the next time you successfully come away from adversity or a setback, take heart in knowing your confidence and mental toughness will only be stronger when faced with challenges in the future.

stormy sea

Celebrate Small Victories: Beaten down, sick, and with their dignity stripped away, Louie and the other POW’s had to find ways to survive day-to-day.  One way was through small victories.  Whether through stealing food (and getting away with it) or fooling the guards into saying something funny in English, these tiny “wins” were enough to lift their spirits.  No matter how small, it was enough to help them get to the next day.

You might look at 10 things you did today and focus on the one wrong thing that happened.  Instead of focusing on what went wrong, how about celebrating the nine things that went right.  You worked out for only 30 minutes?  You worked out.  Wrote for only a half hour?  You put something down on paper.  Remember the Toughness Groove in our mind?  It works the same with how we look at things.  Focus on the negative all the time and guess what you’re going to see all the time?  By focusing on what’s right, opportunities and joy are allowed to shine through.

Focus on Others: As bad off as Louie was, there were other POW’s in much worse shape.  But no matter how bad conditions were or how little food there was to go around, men were still willing to unselfishly sacrifice their food and clothing to support others.  These acts of kindness strengthened bonds and improved morale.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own problems and issues that we forget others.  We live and look at things in a vacuum.  It’s good to get out of our own heads and focus on others once in a while.  By doing so, we serve others, get away from our own problems, and give our spirit a much-needed boost.

What other ways can we remain “unbroken?” 

Dealing With the Post-Holiday Blues

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My wife says she dreads this day.  It’s the day that we put away the Christmas decorations.  Each year is the same routine:

I drag the tree out like a dead body to the Christmas tree recycling bin, leaving a trail of bark and needles.  There’s a tiny part of me that feels guilty, almost like I’m betraying a friend that has brought us happiness for the past several weeks.  The worst year was when we missed the bin pick-up date and a friend of ours had to come over with his chain saw to dismember the poor tree.

I pack away the nativity scene.  Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the three wise men, and the donkey look at me with sadness as I carefully wrap them in plastic and shove them into their little styrofoam molds.

Finally, the smiling Frosty-looking snowman that greets us every morning at the kitchen table is wrapped in paper and placed into a box, not to be seen again for another 12 months.

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I definitely get the post-holiday blues.  When I return to work mid-week, it’s as if everything is moving in slow motion.  I feel like I’m out of shape both physically and mentally.  The joy of Christmas/New Year parties, spending time with friends and family, seeing smiling children open gifts, drinking wine, eating great food, and the overall vibe of the holiday season – to see it all go away depresses me.

If you can get up and running right away without any post-holiday hangover, you’re lucky.  For those who struggle like I do, here are a few things that have helped me:

Get after goals immediately: Pick one thing and start on it.  Did you join a gym, get the conversational Spanish audio program, or start work on that novel you were going to write?  Get your mind off 2012 and get busy on a successful 2013.

Clean and de-clutter: If you have leftover house clutter from the holiday (like gift wrap, wine glasses and unopened white elephant gifts), start cleaning.  A cluttered and messy house only adds to stress.  Clear out and clean to give yourself a fresh start in the new year.

Help others: There’s a lot of volunteering and giving during the holidays.  There’s no reason why this shouldn’t occur or keep going the entire year.  Aside from lifting others up, there are benefits to you (like a stronger immune system and heightened sense of well-being).

Laugh: I try to find things that will make me laugh.  This can come from several different places: dinner out with friends, watching a funny movie or TV show, watching a video, or reading a book.  At work, I try to hang out with co-workers who make me laugh as well.  Laughing is the perfect antidote to the blues.

Perspective: I say the same thing each and every year when Halloween rolls around.  “Wow, the year is going by so fast.  Pretty soon it’ll be Christmas.”  By putting things in perspective, God-willing, we’ll be around for another holiday celebration at the end of 2013.  The same joy and happiness will come back again with new holiday memories…followed by another goodbye to the Christmas tree, the nativity scene, and the happy snowman.

How do you deal with the post-holiday blues?

 

Plant Something Today!

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I was looking at my blog the other day and thinking about making some changes to the design and navigation of the site.  Then it hit me that I actually built this site from the ground up (with help from books, You Tube, and other blogs, of course) and posted 47 articles already.  Rewind one year back to December 2011.  I had no blog, no articles, and no clue about how to write for an audience, let alone throw stuff out for everyone in the world to see.  So what happenned?  I planted something.

As the new year begins, gyms will get crowded and Whole Foods will double its sales of organic food, vitamins and weight loss supplements.  Self-help and self-development books will fly off the shelves.  It’s New Year’s resolution time.  People will sit down, reflect, and write down a list of changes they want to see or implement in the coming year:

Save more
Lose weight
Learn a new language
Write a book

Mend broken relationships

Reflecting and planning are a good thing.  But more importantly, we have to take action.  We have to plant something.

Young plant growing in sunshine

I’m not talking about planting a tree or vegetables (although these are good things, too).  I mean do something to move you in the direction you want to go.  Do anything, no matter how small.  Buy a few books on the subject.  Find some popular blogs.  Sign up for a class.  Take someone out to lunch who has already done what you want to accomplish and pick that person’s brain.

If you’ve been successful at anything – let’s say, your job; a martial art; writing; relationships; etc. – chances are you were terrible or clumsy at it at first.  But once you planted the seed and kept at it, through patience, repetition and hard work, you inevitably got better.  You can now look back and say, “Wow, look what I’ve accomplished!”

I mentioned this blog as an example because I literally started from an idea.  It was something I wanted to do but had no clue where to start.  My “planting” was simply doing some research, visiting various sites, and reading “how to” articles.  No matter what you want to do or where you want to go, guaranteed there is someone out there who can help you get to where you want to be – and help you with those first few difficult steps.

Plant something today, keep after it, and look back in amazement when this time in 2014 rolls around.

Happy New Year!

What are you planning to plant this year?

Chimps, Orangutans and Midlife Crisis

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Humans are not the only species to suffer through midlife crisis.  According to a recent study published by the National Academy of Sciences, chimps and orangutans seem to go through a similar-type dip as well.  In monitoring more than 500 primates in zoos in the US, Japan, and Canada, researchers used a brief questionnaire to assess the contentment level of these animals.

These questionnaires were simply observations from the researchers.  However, behavior seemed to follow the familiar U-shaped dip that is often used to describe human midlife crisis.  Older apes and orangutans, behaviorally, seemed to look and act differently from their younger counterparts.  This behavior was displayed through anxiety, posture, and overall appearance of contentment (or lack of contentment).  Ages of the animals were from 28 to 35, the human equivalent of ages 45 to 50.

As with any scientific study, the results were met with some skepticism and criticism.  For one, it’s not like these chimps and orangutans could tell their observers that they were depressed or suffering from midlife malaise.  They couldn’t go out and cheat on their spouses/significant other, buy a high-powered sports car, get an awesome tattoo or completely revamp their wardrobe – common red flags associated with a midlife crisis.  I’m no scientist, and the only thing I know about primates is what I’ve seen in Planet of the Apes (the Charlton Heston classic, not the Mark Wahlberg remake).  So what does this mean?

Thinking ape

There were some interesting observations made in this study:

The “U-shaped curve of human happiness.”  Apparently we go from well being (youth, health, excitement for the future), plunging in midlife (failed dreams, transition and anxiety) to contentment (wisdom, success, achievement, appreciation/value of what you have).

Suicide and anti-depressant use peak at middle-age.  This is usually triggered by social and economic conditions.  You haven’t yet made your first million.  The office worker who never became a professional athlete or stay at home mom who never pursued her dream to perform on Broadway.  Apes realizing they will never be the alpha male?  Failure. Regret.  Lost opportunities.

An evolutionary explanation is even more intriguing.  According to one of the researchers, “Maybe nature doesn’t want us to be contented in middle age, doesn’t want us sitting around contentedly with our feet up in a tree.  Maybe discontent lights a fire under people, causing them to achieve more – for themselves and their family.”

I like this theory.  If you’ve ever felt discontent, it’s a very uncomfortable feeling.  A dull, continuous pain that may subside at times but does not altogether go away.  It’s that little voice in your head that says, “Try it!”, “Do it!”, or “Why not me?”  It’s the feeling that tells you you’re equipped to write a book, start your own business, apply for that promotion, or talk to that little red-haired girl.

So maybe your alpha male time has passed.  So what?  There are a million other opportunities available to us each day.  That’s the beauty of life…choice.  Do the thing that scares you.  Follow the path that’s calling you.  Take risks and fail.  Whatever you do, don’t be the chimp or orangutan with his feet up in a tree.

What is something you’ve always wanted to do that you can start on today?

Six Ways To Decrease Your Holiday Joy

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Syndicated sports talk show host Colin Cowherd has this rant about how Christmas is one of his least favorite holidays.  Ugly sweaters, too many relatives, Black Friday, and the mad rush for gifts are all aspects of Christmas that some of us would rather avoid.  Me, I love this time of the year.  The winter weather, vacation days, time spent with family and friends and anticipation of the New Year make this a time of reflection and celebration.

However, if we’re not careful, we may do some things during the holiday season that can make this celebratory time less enjoyable.

Here are six things to avoid:

Overeating: H is for holiday, not hibernation.  You don’t need the extra layer of fat for extended slumber.  “It’s the holiday” or “I’ll work it off next year” are not good reasons to stuff your face with endless servings of sugar cookies, pot roast, and mashed potatoes.

I remember, one year, eating two whole pumpkin pies over a period of three days.  I thought my skin was turning orange.  It’s good to indulge during Christmastime.  Just don’t go too crazy.  The extra ten pounds and the need to buy baggier clothes is not a good way to start the New Year – even if joining the gym is one of your New Year resolutions.

Being “That Guy” at the work holiday party: I remember a co-worker telling me a story about drinking a little too much at a managerial function, walking up to the CEO, and saying, “What’s up (insert last name of the CEO)?!”  This is a pretty good way to end your career.  Same with being loud and obnoxious, making inappropriate remarks to the single (or married) women, or beginning your sentences with “Watch this…”  Also, if there’s karaoke involved, it’s probably not a good idea to do your R. Kelly “Bump n’ Grind” impression complete with gestures and hip movement.  It’s OK to loosen up and have a beer or cocktail…but not several.  “That guy” antics don’t disappear after the new year.  In fact, they’ll probably still be talking about you at next year’s holiday party…if you still have a job.

Overspending: I remember reading some crazy factoid that talked about how a lot of credit card debt included Christmas expenditures dating back several years.  You want your kid to have the brand new i-something or gaming system.  You want to surprise your wife with expensive jewelry.  I mean, Christmas is all about giving, right?  Like overeating, though, we shouldn’t have the attitude of, “I’ll worry about it next year.”  Carrying consumer debt is never a good idea and a terrible way to start the new year.  Take a look around the house.  What once was a “must buy gift” is probably sitting in the closet or on a shelf collecting dust.  Check out two of my favorite blogs regarding holiday purchases: The Minimalists and Zen Habits.  You don’t have to be that extreme, but some good ideas to reflect on.

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Not Connecting: Christmas is the ideal time to play catch-up with friends and family members you don’t see during the course of the year.  As hectic as the holidays are, ironically, it’s also a time when companies shut/slow down and people tend to take time off.  It’s also the season of parties and get-togethers.  In addition to family house-jumping, I usually meet-up with friends at a bar or restaurant.  We also attend different family functions to connect with relatives we haven’t seen for a while.  I look forward to these times of just relaxing, hanging out, and strengthening these relationships that might not get much attention during the year.

Not getting a jump on next year: Yes, the holidays are a time to relax, eat, and reconnect.  Things at work usually slow down.  People are focused on their holiday plans.  But this is also an ideal time to get a jump on the next year.  I’m not saying go all-out on your personal and professional plans, but maybe lay the foundation and start on some things.  Maybe that project that’s due in Q1. Or get going on some of the goals you’ve written down for yourself.  While everyone else is in a food coma, you’ll already be three steps ahead when you roll into 2013.

Not being reflective or thankful: If you’ve made it through another year, no matter how difficult, you should be thankful.  Take some time to appreciate what you’ve accomplished.  More importantly, be thankful for the things you have now.  As you enter into the new year, think of some of the things you want to change, get done, or accomplish.  If you’re fortunate enough to have some time off, make sure you spend some time giving thanks.  For example, I’m grateful that you’ve taken the time to stop and read this post/blog.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

Six Sure-Fire Ways To Kill Your Credibility

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Credibility – “The quality of being believable or worthy of trust.”

 

I recently attended an industry training seminar and saw an old co-worker.  This former manager abruptly left the company after several months of abrasive behavior, confrontations with co-workers and questions about her overall integrity.  I couldn’t help but think about the integrity part as I watched her pick up her certificate of completion (they handed them out first thing in the morning) and walk right out of the conference room.  She never came back.  In other words, she left a half-hour into what was supposed to be an eight-hour training class.  

Whether it’s in business or our personal lives, how much time would you spend around someone you didn’t trust?  Would you buy something from them?  Invest in their product?  Have dinner?  Go on vacation?  Probably not.

Credibility is extremely hard to build but very easy to lose.  Like my aforementioned co-worker, after a few slip-ups, whatever good will she had built with her direct reports, peers and higher-ups had quickly deteriorated.  Several years after leaving the company, people still mention her name and cringe.  Now that’s leaving an impression (in a bad way).  Don’t let this be you.  Avoid these six credibility killers:

• Lying – This is the quickest and easiest way to end your credibility.  Once your lie is revealed (no how matter how small), every time you open your mouth, people will: 1) Remember the time that you did lie; and 2) Wonder if you’re telling the truth.

• Not Helping – I remember being at a work volunteer event where we were helping clear trails at a local park.  At one point, it was just me, one of my department mates, and another guy from a different department who we didn’t know.  The guy from the other department proceeded to put his shovel down while telling us what we had to do.  By not helping, you’re telling the rest of us that you’re lazy and can’t be counted on when needed.

• Trashing Others – We all need to vent sometimes, and yes, your gripe or complaint might be legitimate.  But how often and how violently are you trashing other people?  What are you saying?  When you verbally assault people behind their back, the person you’re talking to starts to wonder what you’re saying about them when they’re not around.

• Taking Credit For Other People’s Work – If you’ve ever:

stolen someone’s idea;

asked someone for significant help;

worked with others on a project;

and then took credit for all the work that was done, keep in mind these same people will not trust you or want to work with you ever again.

• Break Confidentiality – “Just between you and me” is supposed to mean “Just between you and me.”  When someone tells you something in confidence, it should be, well, confidential.  The fact that this person thinks highly enough of you to share something in confidence should be taken as a compliment.  Don’t blow it by telling others.

• Taking Shortcuts – I’m not talking about shortcuts that actually increase efficiencies or improve processes.  I mean shortcuts that totally circumvent your duties or responsibilities.  Take for example tragic accidents where a bridge collapses or gas line explodes because an inspector chose to sign off on a safety inspection without actually completing the inspection.  The attitude of “it’s no big deal” can suddenly become a very big deal if something blows up (sometimes literally).

We’ve all screwed-up and probably did one (or more) of the things mentioned above.  The critical thing is how did we respond?  Did we immediately address the situation and course-correct or did we just blow it off?  Even the smallest of actions eventually lead to habits.  These habits result in severe consequences in both our professional and personal lives.  Treat your credibility as something sacred and guard it closely.  Even if you don’t realize it, people are watching you everyday.

 

What are some other credibility killers?

7 Things To Be Thankful For Today

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Keep your eyes open to your mercies. The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life. 

– Robert Louis Stevenson 

 

 

Fall is my favorite time of year.  Maybe it’s the cold weather or change of seasonal color.  Or it could be the beginning of the holiday season/year-end which gives us an opportunity to remember the past while reflecting on where we’re at and where we want to go.  Being thankful should be an everyday thing, not just a reason to watch football and go into a food coma (which I did).  Hope you had a great Thanksgiving.  And if you didn’t stop between bites of turkey or tossing the football around outside, here are seven things to be thankful for today:

Health: You can have cash, material goods, great relationships and an awesome job, but poor or failing health can prevent you from enjoying any of these things.  You might know someone (or have gone through) serious illness or a debilitating injury.  We tend to take our health for granted.  When you’re younger, you eat, drink and do stupid things thinking you’re invincible.  If you woke up this morning with the normal middle-aged joint creaks only, consider yourself fortunate.

Friends: As you get older, what were once close relationships start to fade.  The daily demands of work and family begin to take away time once saved for “hanging out.”  Some of my best childhood memories stem from summertime, riding bikes with friends and playing some kind of sport at the park.  Even if you only have one friend who would drop everything to help you, then consider yourself blessed.

Family: You can’t turn the TV on without watching some sort of family reality show.  Families can be crazy, dysfunctional and unusual.  But they’re still family.  So much of what affects and influences us begins with home base.  If your home or family life is constantly tumultuous, then you’re already at a disadvantage when you step out the door each day. However, if you have great family relationships, if you have people who love and care about you, then you have a solid base to stand on.

Pets: After years of talking, we finally got a puppy earlier this year.  I love animals but now I see how people can become really attached to a pet, be it a dog, cat, rabbit, hamster, etc.  When I get home from work, my dog doesn’t care that I blew a big presentation or had an overall lousy day.  Without fail he comes to the door, tail wagging, happy to see me – and it helps me forget about all of the bad stuff that might have occurred that day.  You can’t beat unconditional love.

Job: Call it a j-o-b, career, vocation, calling or entrepreneurial endeavor, if you’re doing something that’s providing you with income, be thankful.  Even if you can’t stand where you’re at right now, there’s someone out there who wishes they were you.  Extra bonus if you have great co-workers whom you can laugh with and count on when things get stressful or overwhelming.  Double bonus if you’re doing work that you love or are passionate about.

Basic Needs: Did you wake up this morning (or are going to sleep tonight) in a warm bed with a roof over your head?  How about a warm meal?  Electricity? Running water?  Like many Americans, I followed the (still) ongoing tragedy of Hurricane Sandy.  Like any basic necessities we take for granted, we don’t miss it until it’s gone.  One day the people on the East Coast are going about their daily routine, next minute they’re standing in twelve-hour lines for gas and supplies.

Choice: Everyday that we get up, we have the power of choice.  The ability to choose our own path and life direction.  Quit a job we dislike.  Stop smoking. Meet new people.  Read a book to expand our knowledge.  Identify new goals.  Whatever it is, we have the power to stop, start, modify or reverse our life at anytime.  That’s incredibly powerful if you think about it.  Something to be thankful for.

What are you thankful for today?

Are You “Losing It” At Work?

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“I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and stare at it for hours.”

– Oscar Wilde

 

Have you ever seen a co-worker fly off the handle or lose it at work?  I once saw two of my male co-workers get into a cubicle shoving match.  After one particularly contentious meeting, another co-worker went straight to his desk and overturned a big stack of binders, flinging them in the air.  Another co-worker, in the middle of a meeting, slammed his hand on the conference table screaming, “That’s why this company is so screwed up!”

These incidents came to mind after seeing the following Good Morning America clip.  I had to laugh at 0:23 because every day at work, the copier makes this distinct beeping sound signaling that it’s out of order.  These short beeps are followed by the usual sound of metal slamming, which means either one of two things – someone slamming the copier door or kicking it.  I can’t tell.

As amusing as some of this grainy footage can be, which looks like something straight out of “The Office” or “Office Space,” workplace stress is real.  Tight economy + workforce reductions = more work for the remaining staff.  Violent confrontations, which were rarely seen ten years ago, are a common occurrence nowadays.  It seems like every week you read, see or hear about some employee who completely loses it and tragically kills one or several of his co-workers.

So can you tell if you’re losing it?  Here are five definite red flags:

Your fuse is growing increasingly short: I’m not talking about the “I’m hungry” kind of irritation but the everyday “everything is making me angry” kind of short fuse.  Things that usually wouldn’t even register on your stress meter (like a meeting that runs late) is now causing your face to turn different shades of red.  Computer problems that used to be minor inconveniences now want to make you slam your keyboard into your monitor (like in the GMA video).

You’re getting sick all of the time: You never had to see the doctor or pop over-the-counter medication.  Now you’re having debilitating headaches and stomach pains you can’t explain.  You have little to no energy.  You have massive pain in your neck, shoulders and lower back.  It feels like your entire body is rebelling against you.

You’re withdrawing: At work, you want to hide in your cubicle and avoid interacting with others.  After work, you want to go straight home and crawl into bed.  You avoid any kind of lengthy interaction.  You have no desire or motivation to do anything.  Activities you used to look forward to now seem like more work.

Your thoughts are turning violent: This is one of the key red flags that security experts tell you to look for: individuals who talk about violence.  For me, a bad day simply means being in a bad mood…but it’s temporary.  I can usually find something to laugh about or a co-worker usually steps in with something funny.  But when you start thinking about physically harming others, that isn’t normal.

Indifference: Everything is ho-hum.  Your one-time go-getter attitude has turned into, “I’ll get to it when I get to it.”  Assignments that used to excite you now give you nausea. Deadlines and people counting on you to do their job now mean nothing.  In other words, you just don’t care.

We all have our good and bad days at work.  We’re all going to experience one or more of the above symptoms on any given day.  There are times when I drive home thinking I need to find another job.  Other times, I have this huge smile on my face from a day’s work. However, if you find yourself experiencing all of these symptoms on a day-to-day, consistent basis, it might be time to seek some help – or find another job.  Life is too short to be driven crazy by your job.  Take action now before you end up on one of these grainy You Tube workplace videos.

 

When was the last time you “lost it” at work?

 

Are You Inconsiderate or Just Oblivious?

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“He who doesn’t consider himself is seldom considerate of others.“

– David Seabury

 

My wife and I took a quick trip to Las Vegas this past weekend.  When we arrived, we headed to the rental car shuttle bus where we noticed a line starting to form.  Apparently, the president was in town making his last-minute election push through Nevada, stopping all traffic in and around the airport.  It wasn’t long before the once-short shuttle bus line was now about a hundred people deep.  A few minutes later, a man and woman, both probably in their late 40’s, slowly walked to the front-of-the-line area and stopped (notice I said front-of-the-line “area” and not to the actual front of the line).  If you’ve ever been in this type of situation, you know what comes next.  Grumbling.  Whispering.  Finger-pointing.

“What is that guy doing?”
“Doesn’t he know there’s a line?”
“I know he’s not trying to cut in line.”

Long story short,the shuttle bus finally came and of all the people there, it was a 14 year-old girl who shouted, “Excuse me, sir, but there’s a line!”

Then everybody piled on – telling these two to get to the back of the line and screaming at the attendant that they were cutting in line.

I was fascinated by this.  I wanted to know what this guy was thinking.  I’m sure you’ve seen this plenty of times.  I remember standing in a huge restaurant line at Disney Orlando when suddenly this guy walks straight up to the front of the line and cuts in front of a lady nearing the window.  No explanation.  No eye contact.

It’s hard to believe these individuals were oblivious in these situations.  I mean, how can you miss a hundred people standing in a big line?  But there are those times where we’re completely oblivious to what’s going on around us.  As much as I try to be “present” and aware of what’s going on around me, I have found myself on auto-pilot at times.

A few years ago, I was taking a tour of a Catholic school along with about thirty other people.  When we were in the Administration building, the tour guide talked about how the saint’s relics (remains and religious objects) were buried under the school’s seal, and how students carefully walked around this area which the school community recognized as “sacred space.”  As I listened to the tour guide, everything fell silent as I noticed the group staring at me.  I was standing on top of the seal the whole time!  Now this was a case of being oblivious, not purposefully inconsiderate.

Inconsideration is a pet peeve, something I’ve written about before.  But I think it’s pretty easy to identify those who are a little oblivious versus those who are being straight-up inconsiderate.  The former are usually quick to apologize while the latter act as if you’re the one who’s doing something wrong.

If you’re an inconsiderate person by nature, then I can’t help you.  That’s something you’ll have to work out on your own.  But for those of us who sometimes are oblivious, the remedy is simple: Be Aware.  Be aware of the people around you, the situation you’re in, people’s body language, and the overall “vibe.”  And when in doubt, just ask.  

“Excuse me, is this the line for the rental car shuttle bus?”

The funny thing about the shuttle bus guy was that, after being yelled at by a hundred people, he had the nerve to say, “Hey, I’ve been waiting out here just as long as you have.”  Which is technically correct, after he cut in line.

Unbelievable.  Voltaire was right when he wrote, “Common sense is not so common.”

When was the last time you were oblivious in a situation?

The Seven Enemies of Business Casual Wear

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“It is both delusional and stupid to think that clothes don’t really matter and we should all wear whatever we want. Most people don’t take clothing seriously enough, but whether we should or not, clothes do talk to us and we make decisions based on people’s appearances.”

– G. Bruce Boyer

 

For work, a few weeks ago, I threw on a pair of black Banana Republic loafers.  I hadn’t worn these loafers in a while so I thought I’d switch my shoes up.  I didn’t think anything of them until my co-workers started cracking on them:

“Nice slippers.  You should have worn your pajamas too.”
“Dude, are those suede shoes?”  And the dagger…

“My Mom has a pair just like those…”

I can give (and take) a good ribbing.  I like it.  Although I’ll probably never wear those shoes to work again.

I am definitely no fashionista when it comes to work clothes.  I generally wear the standard corporate casual uniform of slacks/khakis, nice shirt and black dress shoes.  If I’m feeling really GQ, I’ll mix in a sweater or colorful patterned shirt.  The loafer jokes made me think though.  We used to be the stereotypical “stuffed shirt and tie” insurance company. However, since we moved to “business casual” about ten years ago, I have definitely seen some crazy gear at work.  From assorted liquor bottle Hawaiian shirts to football jerseys, people have definitely taken advantage of the “casual” in business casual.

You don’t have to be Bradley Cooper or Daniel Craig on the cover of GQ; but like it or not, your work fashion matters. Not only are your peers and higher-ups judging you (consciously or unconsciously), but what you throw on for work affects how people perceive and think about you.  I’m also in the camp of “what you wear affects how you feel.”  There’s just something about being nicely dressed that boosts your confidence.  So the next time you drag yourself out of bed and sleepily head to the closet to grab your clothes for the day, keep the following seven things in mind:

OK, so maybe they do look a little like house slippers…but your Mom’s shoes?

Wrinkled/Rumpled: There are actually some guys who are really good at ironing (I’m not one of them).  The next time you’re in a meeting, look around the room and see who looks like they just crawled out of a suitcase.  It’s actually kind of distracting – like the wavy lines on your old-school tube TV when the picture wasn’t coming in.  Nothing screams “I just grabbed this shirt out of the laundry hamper” like an un-ironed shirt.  I know you’re tired, but maybe spend a few minutes the night before or on the weekend and iron your shirts (and pants).

Cross Trainers/Running/Rubber Shoes: New Balance shoes at work?  Seriously?  How about the rounded rubber walking-type shoe?  Shoes are actually one of the first things people notice when it comes to your work gear.  Nice, clean looking professional shoes say “I care.”  Leave your Nike cross-trainers and walking shoes for the gym or your family day at the park (no matter how dark or “clean-looking” they are).

Too Big: If you lost weight and leaned out, congratulations.  Reward yourself (and show off) with some nice, athletic-cut business gear.  The big gear actually makes you look sloppy.  When you tuck your shirt in, the sides flap all over.  Your pants sag.  Think Tom Hanks in “Big.”

Too Tight: If I had to choose, I think I’d go too big.  Too tight (especially if you’re carrying a little – or a lot – of extra weight) is not a good look.  The hangover (not the movie) above your belt and sides is not flattering.  And why would you want your clothes too tight anyway?  Isn’t that a little uncomfortable – especially after a big lunch?

Dress Your Age: I had a friend rock some Sean John gear a few years back on a night out. There was something just not right about his age and the Diddy-designed shirt he was wearing.  I’m a big fan of hip-hop, but that doesn’t mean I want to look (or dress) like 50, Diddy or Nelly.  And I shouldn’t.  This also goes for anything with dragons, skulls, oversized old English lettering or bikini-clad women on the front.

Everyday Work Logo Day: Unless you work for UPS or deliver Domino’s Pizza, you should limit the number of times per week you wear work-adorned logo clothing. There’s always that one guy who has every type of work-logo shirt: polo, white dress shirt and even the yee-haw country denim shirt.  This does not make you look like Mr. Company Man.  It makes you look like you’re either too lazy to wear anything else (hence the work shirt rotation) or you don’t want to spend money on buying any work clothes.

Outdated: Your Z. Cavaricci pants…unless I’m mistaken, that style hasn’t come back around (yet).  Same with those 50’s-style bowling shirts with the big vertical stripes.  When you look at your clothes and say, “I remember I bought these on our trip to Napa…eight years ago,” it’s probably time to spend a little money on some new gear.  Same if you catch an old movie on TV and say, “Man, I have a shirt just like that…and I’m wearing it to work tomorrow.”

I’m not saying you should go out and blow a load of cash on a whole new work wardrobe (although that might not be a bad idea).  But maybe it’s time we hit the reset button on what business casual should actually look like.  Take some time this weekend and assess what your work wardrobe looks like.  Read a few fashion dos and don’ts.  Talk to your sharp-looking co-worker.  Go out and get some new shoes, pants, or shirts.  Pretty soon people will be saying, “Now that’s what business casual looks like!”

What kind of clothes do you wear to work?