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Life Lessons And Playoff Baseball

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Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s success or put its failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every day, and that’s the way baseball is. 

– Bob Feller

I enjoy watching playoff baseball.  During the season, I’m a pretty casual fan, following the local teams (Giants and A’s) as well as some of my favorite players (like Ichiro). But there’s something alluring about playoff time.  Maybe it’s the crisp, fall air or pitch-by-pitch real-time drama.  I still remember delivering pizzas in college, sitting in my car, listening to Kirk Gibson’s magical home run off the A’s Dennis Eckersley in game one of the 1988 World Series.  This year’s playoff season, so far, is no different, and that’s just the Division Series.  In watching the games and reading the different story lines, I couldn’t help but compare the playoffs to life:

Change is Good: Like I said, Ichiro is one of my favorite players.  I always figured he’d end his Hall of Fame career in Seattle, where his name became synonymous with Mariners baseball.  But after more than ten years and multiple losing seasons, both sides decided it was time to part ways.  Ichiro has since found new life with the New York Yankees, where he finally played post-season baseball as an important piece to Yankees’ World Series aspirations.  I’m sure you know someone who was laid off from a job only for them to tell you it was the best thing that ever happened to them.  Change does not have to be that drastic, but even small changes are good to stimulate our mind and keep our life outlook fresh.  Read a book on a subject you’d normally bypass.  Drive a different way to work.  Go to a museum, concert, or show.  Try a new restaurant.

Expect to Hit Lows: Just a few years ago, Alex Rodriguez was having a monster season and was the most feared hitter in baseball.  In the Division Series against the Baltimore Orioles, not only was he relegated to pinch-hitter status, but to add insult to injury, he was benched (two things that would have been unimaginable not too long ago).  The A’s Coco Crisp dropped a fly ball in game one of the ALDS against the Detroit Tigers allowing two runs to score.  The Tigers went on to win the game.  Tim Lincecum, the Giants’ two-time Cy Young award winner, was sent to the bullpen after having the worst year of his career.  We all fail in life.  Whether it’s from our own doing or circumstances around us, expect to hit lows.  You bomb a presentation at work.  You forget your daughter’s performance.  That big sale you were counting on fell apart. Hitting lows is simply part of the rhythm of life.  But there is always…

Redemption:  Like Annie says, “The sun will come out tomorrow…”  Not only did Crisp make a game-saving catch against the Tigers, he went on to drive in the winning run in game four of the ALDS.  Lincecum came in to pitch four innings of relief which was critical in the Giants’ game four win over the Cincinnati Reds.  Zig Ziglar always refers to failure being an “event, not a person.”  When you’re younger, you look at failure as the “F” word – something to be avoided at all cost.  When you get older, you come to realize that failure is part of the learning and growing process.  Failure actually makes us stronger and prepares us for future challenges.  Leave tomorrow behind and focus on success tomorrow.

Age is just a number: Just last year, there were fan and media grumblings about Derek Jeter’s age and production.  This year he turned around (see “Redemption”) to hit .316 with more than 200 hits – at age 38.  The grumbling has grown silent.  40-year old Raul Ibanez single-handedly saved the Yankees season by hitting not one, but two home runs (including a walk-off game-winner) against the Orioles.   I’ll admit, I’ve actually caught myself going down the, “But I’m 42…” excuse route.  Sure, as you get older you’ll have limitations.  For example, I’m starting to do the old-man, point your head skyward and look down to try and read the small print move.  Also, I’m noticing more nagging little injuries as well as the snap-crackle-pop of bones and joints.  But then again, who doesn’t as they get older?  One way to dispel your age myth is to find someone doing it or who has already done it.  Want to run a marathon?  Guaranteed there’s a 70-year old who has just completed his first marathon.  Get your degree?  Scour the web and you’ll find multiple examples of people in their 60s, 70s and 80s going back to school to “finally” get that high school diploma or college degree.  Whatever it is, use these individuals as inspiration and follow their plan of action.

It Ain’t Over: One of the beautiful (and most exciting) things about playoff baseball is the comeback.  The Giants were down two games to none against the Reds.  The same with the A’s.  I turned off game five of the Nationals/Cardinals because it was six nothing Nationals in the ninth inning.  Every one of these teams fought to come back when everyone else wrote them off.  The Giants came back to win.  The A’s forced (but ultimately lost) game five against the Tigers.  The Cardinals staged one of the greatest comebacks in baseball history by beating the Nationals.  Are there times where we need or should quit?  Absolutely.  But there are also those times when we know, in our heart-of-hearts, that we need to press forward – no matter how bleak or ugly the situation may look.  Any one of these teams could have packed up and said, “Oh well, at least we made it into the playoffs.  There’s always next year.”  But they continued to fight.  And when you continue to fight, sometimes miraculous and unexpected things happen.

What other life lessons can we learn from sports?

Thanks For Your (not so) Great Advice

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The one thing people are the most liberal with, is their advice. 

– Francois de Rochefoucauld

 

You’ve probably seen Wisconsin news anchor Jennifer Livingston’s on-air response to a letter she received from viewer Kenneth Krause.  In case you missed it, Krause told Livingston that, as a role model for young girls, she should lose some weight.

People rushed to defend Livingston, including on-air personalities at competing stations.  The anger towards Krause was compounded by a Facebook photo released by the media showing him in a cool guy, “I’m so fit” mountain bike photo – complete with tank top and bulging biceps (as described in several media outlets).  Krause was even kind enough to offer his time to work with Livingston if she needed/wanted his support.

Giving unsolicited advice is one of the worst things you can do.  When someone “offers” his/her advice without asking, it conjures up three things:

You’re Arrogant: Even if you have a  PhD or are a subject matter expert on the problem, or your second cousin had the same problem, don’t open your mouth.  In offering your advice without being asked, you’re assuming the person wants or needs to hear from you and your “expertise.”

You’re A Know-It-All: No two problems, situations, or perspectives are usually the same.  Just because it sounds like the same issue does not mean it is.  The fact that we’re thinking of filing for bankruptcy does not mean you can give me secondhand information that your co-worker gave you about his bankruptcy.  If I was given a certain medical diagnosis, you don’t have to share with me about how your wife’s cousin’s best friend had the same thing.

I’m Really Not Looking For Advice: I may be talking a lot about my problem but I just want someone to listen – not give me Dr. Phil advice. As a friend, co-worker, neighbor, family member, etc., I feel comfortable enough with you that I can just unload.  I’m feeling better already.  Please don’t ruin it with your personal story or parable with a lesson wrapped up in it.  Sometimes an attentive and empathetic ear is all a person needs.

So what’s a well-intentioned person to do?

Listen: Just be quiet and listen.  Listen to the tone of the person’s voice and pay attention to their body language.  This can be difficult at first. Besides what the person is saying, the non-verbal cues offer a ton of information as to whether they’re looking for advice or not.  Again, maybe the person is just looking to unload or vent.  If so, your job is to empathize and listen.

Just Ask: Simple enough, right?  Not so simple, though.  Asking a person if he/she wants advice can be awkward.  Make sure you approach it with humility, kid gloves, and a genuine empathetic tone.  I usually approach it in the dopey friend manner: “Dang man, that sounds terrible.  Check this out, I went through the same thing and it turned out OK.  Want to know what happened?”

Don’t give advice you wouldn’t follow yourself:  This is called being a hypocrite.  You lose immediate credibility with the person if you tell them to do something you never have done or failed to do yourself.  This is probably like getting work advice from someone who’s been fired from their past six jobs or exercise tips from your smoking, 40-pound overweight neighbor.

It’s not about YOU: Seriously?  If you go off-road and start talking about yourself, go immediately back to number one.  BE QUIET.  It’s bad enough your friend is going through whatever he or she is going through.  Don’t compound the problem by making it about YOU. When you do that, you minimize the other person’s significance and situation.  A year ago, my wife spent a few days in the hospital.  The “chaplain” was making her rounds, checking on patients and seeing if they needed anything.  After a quick “Hello, how are you doing?”  the “spiritual advisor” went on for 20 minutes about her life.  She then went on to other rooms where we could hear her repeating the same things.   It’s not about you.

Lastly…the unsolicited advice letter (Krause-style) is a horrible idea.  Putting things in writing (again, unsolicited) has the same pitfalls as poorly written e-mail.  Because the person is not there to see you, your language and the tone and overall objective of the letter may not come across as you intended.  So unless you’re extremely close or have written in the past to this person, be careful.

What happened the last time you gave (or received) unwanted advice?

Are You Taking Enough Vacation?

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Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.

-Seneca

One day, my boss called me into his office and asked, “Are you stupid?”  I had no idea what he was talking about.  Maybe I mishandled a file or made some kind of serious mistake.  He went on.  “You’ve capped out your vacation and just lost eight hours.  If you don’t want your vacation, I’ll take it.”

Admittedly, I’m terrible at taking significant vacation time.  For the past several years, it’s been a week in the summer (for a family trip), a week at the end of the year (Christmas/New Year) and the one off-day or maybe two days for quick getaways.

I’m in the majority with other Americans.  Apparently we are #1 at being the worst at vacation-taking (I always thought it was the Japanese who created the word “karoshi” – which literally means “drop dead from work.”)  Consider this:

  • Average vacation days used is 12
  • Roughly 25% of Americans don’t take vacation at all
  • Most Americans are likely to call into a meeting while on vacation (I’ve seen this personally plenty of times), work during vacation, or be technologically-attached (cell phone, e-mail, computer, etc.)

Why don’t we take vacation?  I’d like to say that we love our job too much (although a very small percentage might say so), but more than likely it’s probably other things:

Fear: I’m too busy, have too much going on, and am afraid of what my desk and e-mail will look like when I get back.  It will take me a week just to catch up.

Money: I don’t have the extra cash to spend on a vacation right now.  Maybe after I get that bonus or save a little.  Then I’ll take a real vacation.

And Do What?: Sadly, for some people, work is such a significant part of their life, they wouldn’t know what to do on vacation.  Their social life and daily activities are too tied up in the office.

According to Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in “The Power of Full Engagement”, humans are just not built to work at a steady state with no breaks.  Like athletes, the average worker needs periodization, or times of stress followed by significant breaks.  This allows the mind and body to rest and recover for the next challenge.  Without these breaks, we’re more susceptible to decreased performance, illness, and even death.

So what should we do?

Plan: Make your vacation plans well in advance.  Make sure they’re more than the average 12 days.  Each year, take out the calendar, identify those days, and inform your work.  This way, you can plan your work flow around these days; plus, you can’t back out because you’ve already committed yourself.

Build it around something: We went to Harry Potter at Universal Studios Florida this summer – something my daughter had been dreaming (and talking) about for the past few years.  A friend of mine went to the UFC Expo in Las Vegas.  I keep joking that Comicon San Diego will be our next family trip.  In other words, vacation around something that excites or motivates you.  Maybe you’ve always wanted to see Mount Rushmore or the Statue of Liberty.  Get online and start researching.

Disconnect: Don’t call into work.  Don’t be “that guy” who’s eating at Disneyland with his family while checking his e-mail.  Don’t go back to the hotel room and start working on your laptop.  Disconnect means to let go of the office entirely (as hard as that may be for some) and allow your mind to think and focus on something else for a change.

Get your desk squared away: Complete major projects (and don’t take on any new ones).  Let people know you’ll be gone.  Secure your back-up help.  Doing whatever it takes to clean up your desk and any pending work will ease that nagging feeling of “I have to do this and that when I get back.”  There’s no better feeling than starting your vacation “light” with nothing pressing going on at work.

I’m still working on being a better vacation-taker.  I’m getting better, though.  Maybe it was the cancer or seeing others I know get sick, but I realize I should be enjoying my time off – not stressing about it.  Thankfully,  it’s been a long time since my boss had to ask me, “Are you stupid?”

How much vacation did you take this year?

How Much “Stuff” Do You Need?

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“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”

– Phyllis Diller

 

One of the priests in our church likes to talk about “stuff.”  How we desire, pursue, purchase, accumulate, and discard “stuff.”  I was thinking about this the other day while cleaning out my closet and collecting clothes for donation.  Growing older (thankfully) I don’t have the same stuff mindset that I had in my teens, twenties and even early thirties.  For example:

$70 brand spanking new white Puma’s.  This was back in the early 80’s.  Probably the equivalent of buying Jordans today…which was a ton of money for a family that didn’t have a whole lot of money.

$1,000+ stereo system in my Camaro, purchased through hard-earned sweat working the grill, fryer and cash register at Mcdonald’s.

$100 satin Adidas jacket (this was during the RUN DMC years when everything I bought was Adidas).

19.5 APR on a new truck (I didn’t even know what APR meant.)  All because I wanted a new car.

Refusal to wear anything without a designer logo: a crocodile, little man on a horse, or anything else that wasn’t in GQ.

You get the picture.  Do what I did and take a look around your house.  You’d be surprised (shocked even) at all the things sitting around the house that you’ve wanted badly, spent a lot of money on (or both) and now sit in your house somewhere collecting dust.  That treadmill or bowflex machine.  That fancy new suit (or dress).  The new TV, stereo or any other piece of electronic equipment.  Maybe even the $500-a-month car that’s sitting in the garage?

Let me be clear about this – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting (and having) stuff.  But take some time to step back and assess your motive(s) or reason(s) prior to your next purchase:

What’s the rush?  I’m writing this post during all of the pre-release buzz of the iPhone 5.  Soon there will be massive pre-orders and people camping out in front of your nearest Apple store.  Is there something wrong with your iPhone 4 or the smartphone you just bought six months ago?  Is it to have the latest and newest thing?

Want versus Need. The universal question posed by financial experts.  Do I need it or want it?  I still have a fat tube TV.  My friends only half-jokingly say they refuse to come over and watch a game or UFC event because of my TV.  No high-def.  No surround sound.  Can I buy a new TV?  Yes…but do I need it? Not really.

Am I keeping up with the Joneses? (Or some other friend, neighbor, co-worker, family member, etc.)  Probably the worst reason for buying something.  Who are you competing with and why?  If our neighbor buys a brand new SUV, do I need one, too?

Isn’t this impulsive?  There’s a reason infomercials are on late at night.  It’s the optimal time to catch people in a relaxed and semi-conscious state.  That shake-a-weight looks like it would be a great workout.  And to get my diet down to keep pace with my new exercise routine, I should get the Montell Williams juicer, too.

I like the notion of buying experiences, not things.  Removing clutter.  Getting rid of unwanted or unnecessary stuff.  Sure, I like nice stuff, too, but I’m now more selective in what I buy (maybe too slow and indecisive, if you ask my wife).  To get started down this path, I suggest checking out two great blogs: The Minimalists and zenhabits.

Lighten your load, travel light, and make intentional purchases.  This is the path to mastering your “stuff.”

 

 

How much “stuff” do you have?

Help! I’m Complaining and I Can’t Stop!

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“People won’t have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.”

– Stephen Hawking

 

I was standing in line at Macy’s a few weeks ago.  There was a lady behind me and two others paying for their items at the register.  All three ladies were complaining.  From what I could tell, one was complaining about how Macy’s refused to refund her money on an item and the other two were complaining about not receiving discounts.  For ten minutes, I was caught in a complaint triangle.

Let’s face it, we all complain.  Some more than others.  We do it for several reasons:

Impatience: It figures.  I’m stuck behind this 80-year old driver and I’ll be late for work.  Why do you still have your driver’s license anyway?

Jealousy: Look at John getting into work late as always.  He has a terrible work ethic.  I can’t believe he received that promotion over me.

Lack of Understanding: What do you mean this coupon won’t work for items already on sale?  You mean I wasted my time coming here?

To Vent: I told those kids a million times to please put the milk back in the refrigerator when they’re done.

I had one of those complaining days just recently.  I can’t explain it, but everything seemed to bother me:

My body is sore and I’m tired.  Why do I have to go to the gym today?

This dumb project seems to be never-ending.  I can’t wait until we’re done.

We have two parties to go to this Saturday.  I just want to stay home and relax.

I was even complaining about vacation!  (I have to go home, pack, and get ready to go).

Just reading this list again embarrasses me.  What was I thinking?

It’s OK to complain sometimes.  It’s healthy and can help us blow off steam.  But we have to be careful that we don’t cross over into the chronic complainer zone.  This is a dangerous place where we complain for the sake of complaining.  We don’t want any advice, we just want to suck someone into our miserable world.  Avoid this zone at all cost.  Here’s how:

Monitor: The first step is simply to be aware of your thoughts.  Is this a passing thought or something that’s been hanging out for awhile.  Cut these thoughts off before they take root.

Think…then speak: If you’re about to blow off steam, make sure it’s done the right way.  Is what you’re about to complain about even worth complaining about?  Before you fly off the handle at your spouse, child, friend or co-worker, check yourself before you say something you might regret.

Be Thankful and Change Your Thoughts: My favorite and most powerful way to crush complaints is something I picked up from Joel Osteen.  Whatever the complaint might be, turn it around and be thankful.

“Ugh, it’s Monday and I have to go to work.” becomes, “I get to go to work.  I’m thankful to that I have a job.”

“I’m tired.  Why do I have to go to the gym.” becomes, “I’m healthy and fit.  When I’m done, I know I’ll feel great.”

“I have to go to two parties this Saturday.” turns into, “I’m surrounded by friends and family who want to hang out with me.”

So, where are you on the complaint meter?  Monitor your thoughts and conversations for the next few days.  You might be surprised at what you find.

How much complaining do you do?

“Dear John” and Other Awesome Movies

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“Two weeks together, two weeks.  That’s all it took for me to fall in love with you.  But now we have one year apart.  But what’s one year apart after two weeks like that together.”

– Quote from Dear John

 

My friends sometimes tease me about my choice of movies.  I thought about this the other night when I stayed up late to watch Dear John for the second time.  Just reading this sentence makes me want to change the name of this post to “The Art of Unmanliness, Part Two.”  Don’t get me wrong, I’m always down for a good action movie, and I think romantic comedies like Sleepless in Seattle and Pretty Woman were such huge hits that it’s OK for a man to say he’s seen these movies, right?

But for some movies, though, other guys will look at you funny and say, “Seriously?! You watched that movie?!”  So here are my top three “I’m ashamed to say I’ve seen and, on some level, even like” movies.

3) Unfaithful (Richard Gere and Diane Lane).  Naughty Diane Lane cheating with cool French guy Olivier Martinez.  Every time I see a big snow globe I think about this movie.  The funny (or weird) thing about this movie is that I saw it with several other GUY friends at a GUY friend’s house.  No, there were no wives or girlfriends around.  In fact, I don’t remember how I ended up watching this movie with a bunch of guy friends.  To this day, they don’t like to talk about this evening.  I think a few of them have even erased it from their memory.

2) Dear John (Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried).  Maybe I have a Channing Tatum man-crush.  I have no other explanation as to why I watched this movie TWICE.  The movie chronicles Tatum’s ongoing relationship with Seyfried (and his father) through several Army deployments.  Maybe it would be different if Tatum came home from deployment and destroyed the whole town like Stallone in Rambo or The Rock in Walking Tall…but it really was about…”Dear John” letters.

1) Closer (Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Clive Owen).  I still don’t remember what this movie was about.  All I could tell you is that: 1) Natalie Portman plays a stripper; and 2) it was both odd and depressing.  Several interwoven stories like Crash.  Admittedly, I had to go to Wikipedia to refresh my memory.  I was going to provide you with movie Cliff Notes but after reading the Wikipedia summary, I’m even more confused.  Added Bonus: I recommended this movie to a few close couple friends of ours who made it their “date night” movie.  Needless to say they said it was the worst date night movie they had ever seen.

Honorable mention: Atonement (Keira Knightley and James McAvoy).  Depressing movie about jealousy and a single lie that has devastating consequences.  Added Bonus: The movie is set in World War II England which only adds to the movie’s bleak feel.  I actually saw this movie on vacation with the same couples that watched Closer.  From now on, maybe they shouldn’t listen to my movie recommendations.

 

What’s your favorite odd or unmanly movie?

Is It Time For You To Go?

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There’s a trick to the Graceful Exit.
It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage,
a relationship is over – and to let go.
It means leaving what’s over without denying its value.

– Ellen Goodman

 

 

I snapped this picture at Balboa Park in San Diego.  These two rescue birds were on display in a tree when they were visited by an unwanted guest.  The squirrel made himself right at home but the one bird looked like he was saying, “That’s enough.  Isn’t it time for you to go?”


Time to go…In our own lives, why do we stay a little too long when we should have left a while back?

A job that bores you to tears
A toxic relationship
A group or club that you have no interest in anymore

Familiarity.  Fear.  Complacency.

All of these play a roll in staying too long.  It’s much easier to grit our teeth and talk to that toxic friend for a half hour than to be straightforward and say, “Your negative attitude is sucking the life out of me.”

Familiarity is like saying, “I’m used to it.”  I’m used to him/her being negative.  I’m used to watching the clock at work.  Every Tuesday at 7 PM, I attend the meeting of the (insert group or club name here) even though I really don’t want to go.

Fear keeps us in place by magnifying our worse-case scenario to the nth degree.  If I leave my job/position, we’ll run out of money and end up on the street.  If I break off my friendship, he/she will spread rumors about me.  All my other friends will end up hating me.

Complacency is the silent killer.  It means you’re comfortable.  Things kind of suck but don’t suck enough to make you leave.

Leaving is not easy.  Tony Robbins talks about pain and pleasure.  We’ll continue on the same path until the pain (“I can’t take it anymore!”) simply forces us to make a change.

I struggle with these three things all the time.  I once held a position at work for a few years.  There came a point when I would sit at my desk and stare blankly at my cubicle wall.  I desperately wanted to do something different.  When a position opened up in a different part of the company, I applied and was subsequently offered the job.  Sounds like a good thing, right?  Not so easy.  Even though I was blessed with what I was looking for (a new position), as crazy as it sounds, familiarity, fear and complacency almost prevented me from taking the job.  I literally had to force myself to move forward.

Where in your life do you need to “go?”  Is it a nowhere job that you’re starting to (or already) dread.  A relationship that is poisoning your spirit?  An ongoing commitment that’s a drain on your time?  Identify these things and start making your getaway plans.

There are different strategies to help you break away – too many to mention here.  But your first task will be to identify the areas you need to leave behind.  Yes, it will be difficult (and sometimes painful).  But in the long run, it will all be worth the sacrifice.

 

Where do you need to “go” in your life?

How Do You Feel About Lance?

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I don’t know anything about cycling. My co-worker, a semi-pro cycling competitor, is my go-to guy whenever I have questions about Lance Armstrong and his ongoing battle against the United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA), the French press, detractors and anyone else who believes he used performance enhancing drugs (PEDs) to win an unprecedented seven Tour de France titles – one of the toughest and most prestigious athletic competitions on earth.

When Armstrong announced he would stop fighting the charges leveled by the USADA, he was immediately stripped of his seven Tour titles and handed a lifetime competition ban. The whole thing is very confusing and could take years to sort out. Take, for example, an explanation in a recent newspaper article:

Strip the titles then award them to who? Nearly all of Armstrong’s second-place finishers were tainted by their own drug issues.

The International Cycling Union (UCI) controls the record books but won’t make any decisions until they have more facts around the USADA’s investigation.

The Tour itself is silent, deferring to the UCI and USADA.

“Polarizing” (to divide into sharply divided factions or groups) is a good term to describe how people feel about Lance Armstrong.  Many supporters praise his achievements and the Livestrong Foundation while his detractors view him as a cheater.  Read any of the comments associated with the recent news reports and you’ll find that the responses are all over the board:

“Justice has been served.”

“Lance never tested positive.”

“No way would he have given up if he was innocent.”

“The USADA is a joke.”

For me, I continue to be a Lance Armstrong supporter. My feeling around the stripped tour titles and doping allegations can be summed up in three words:

It doesn’t matter.

But our sports heroes are supposed to be honest, tough and most of all, clean. I get that. Fans are fickle. We’re so quick to prop up and then discard the people we most admire. The whole thing confuses me. Like millions of other Americans, I was glued to the TV watching McGwire, Sammy Sosa and subsequently Barry Bonds chase the home run record. We cheered for them. Fast forward a few years later and they are now pariahs in their own sport. So disliked that their induction into the Hall of Fame, once a sure thing, is now in question.

With Tiger Woods, we put him in the doghouse for a year due to marriage infidelity but now fans are desperately pulling for him to match (and surpass) Jack Nicklaus’ career record of 18 majors. Athletes get arrested. They drive (and get caught) under the influence. They are found guilty of domestic violence and tax evasion. We still pull for them. In other words, there is no criteria as to when we should or shouldn’t support someone we admire.

With or without Tour titles, Armstrong’s story is still inspirational – going from the cancer death bed to competing on cycling’s biggest stage. After my cancer surgery, I was thankful just to get back on an exercise bike in the gym. I scoured the Livestrong Foundation website to better understand cancer, find nutrition tips and learn preventative measures. What was especially helpful, at the very core of the Livestrong Foundation, was finding support and motivation from a community of cancer survivors, each person with their own unique and powerful story.

So I’ll continue wearing my Livestrong bracelet and putting on my Livestrong shirt. Lance Armstrong’s legacy (tainted or not) goes far beyond any championship or medal. It will be about the positive impact on millions of people affected by cancer (including myself). And for me, that goes way beyond any judgment passed by an individual, the media, or sports governing body.

How do you feel about Lance Armstrong?

Finding Your Blind Spots

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“Listen, here’s the thing.  If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.”

-Mike McDermott (“Rounders”)

A few days ago a couple of guys from my brazillian jiu-jitsu class were giving me a hard time about my push-ups.  I was thinking to myself, “What?  But I’m Mister Love Fitness.”  I’ve been working out regularly for two-thirds of my life.  The push-up is the most basic, prove-your-manliness exercise there is.  It’s one of the first movements you learn in PE.  What do you mean I’m not doing them correctly?  So I went ahead and did one.  And damn it, sure enough it was not a full push-up (to the amusement of my academy mates).

My point is not about exercise or doing push-ups.  But it got me thinking about how many things we think we’re doing well in our lives when in reality we’re not doing them as well as we think we are.

In other words, where are our blind spots?

I remember reading a great saying.  “Look around the room.  Who is the only person you don’t see?”  YOU!

When I was big into bodybuilding, I would stuff my face with food, telling myself I needed the calories to move big weights and get bigger.  Blind Spot: I was getting fat.  In terms of cardiovascular health, I could barely make it up two flights of stairs without sucking wind.

When I started my first real job, I used my brand new credit card to buy new clothes, nice dinners and whatever toys I wanted.  I told myself I was a big boy now with a big boy job.  I could afford to do these things.  Blind Spot: I was an entry-level newbie with no savings.  Using my credit card was like digging a debt hole that took me a few years to get out of (thankfully, this is one blind spot I identified early).

I’m working these long hours and weekends to be the office superstar.  Blind Spot: Your wife and kids are having a hard time remembering your name.

Blind spots are dangerous because we’re not aware of them.  It’s a good idea to stop occasionally and assess where you’re at in the major areas of your life.  Try the following:

Get Feedback: Find someone who will be honest with you (guys can be brutally honest).  There might be areas in your life where you have a feeling that something is not working. Ask.  Ask your manager or supervisor about your work performance.  Ask your spouse about your marriage.  Call your 401K company and ask about your investments.  The first step in identifying your blind spots is to go to others who are looking from the outside.

Ask Good Questions:  Author Simon Sinek writes in “Start With Why” that the most successful organizations and individuals ask good questions.  Constantly asking why helps us cut through all of the garbage to get to the truth.   So even if you don’t think you have blind spots, start asking questions in all areas of your life: personal, professional, spiritual, financial and financial.  Why do you do the things you do?  The answers might surprise you.

Take Action: Like knowledge, it doesn’t matter how much you have.  Without action, there’s no growth.  I’m not saying make wholesale changes (although you might be motivated to do so).  I’m a big believer in small, incremental change.  Day by day.  Don’t eat dessert.  Take a short walk at lunch.  Pick up a book.  Have that conversation you’ve been dreading with your co-worker/spouse/friend.  Start with one thing.  In fact, I’ll be working on my push-up form today!

What are some of your blind spots?

Dropping The Hammer (Stop Being So Hard On Yourself)

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It’s me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence.

– Paula Cole

 

For the past few weeks, I’ve been paying more attention to how I’ve been talking to myself.  So often, we treat our thoughts like white noise, like the hum of an air conditioner or that artificial noise that’s pumped into a corporate office building.  The only problem is that, unlike white noise, these thoughts can cause unrepairable damage if not addressed.  Here are a few of my lowlights:

You ate more than you planned.  You are fat.
You were completely lost in that meeting.  You are dumb.
You didn’t get a full workout in.  You are undisciplined.

You get the picture.  Why are we so hard on ourselves?  We treat friends, family and even strangers so much better than we treat ourselves.  Is it because of high personal goals or expectations?  Are we trying to prove something to others?  Maybe it’s a little bit of both.

Authors Steven Pressfield and Seth Godin talk about this prehistoric part of our brain, calling it the resistance or lizard brain.  It’s the part of our brain that keeps us safe by preventing us from walking down a dangerous dark alley.  Ironically, this same safety mechanism also kicks in by killing our confidence and self-esteem whenever we try something that puts us outside of our comfort zone – a perceived threat of danger.  The lizard brain likes homeostasis and will punish you with a “told you so” whenever you make a mistake or fall short.

For the next few days, pay attention to your own self-talk.  You’ll be surprised at how many negative thoughts cross your mind.  Only by keeping these thoughts in check can we hope to prevent them from quietly killing our spirit, goals, and dreams.  Remember:

There is no such thing as perfection: Everyone has flaws.  Everyone makes mistakes.  You are no different.  In fact, if you aren’t making mistakes, that probably means you aren’t really trying or putting much effort into anything you do (see Thomas Edison and Abraham Lincoln).

Stop judging: There’s a difference between being honest and being cruel.  Did you gain ten pounds?  Blow that major presentation?  Stick your foot in your mouth?  Acknowledge your mistake, learn from it, and move on.  Your mistake, no matter how much your lizard brain tells you, will not affect your future success.

Be compassionate:  If your kid spills his glass of milk or fails his spelling test, you (hopefully) are not going to start yelling at him, calling him stupid and incompetent.  So why should you treat yourself any differently?  Take a step back and be kind to yourself.  If you have to, give yourself an admonishment (“I didn’t prepare very well for that presentation.  Maybe I shouldn’t have stayed up late to watch that ‘Walking Dead’ marathon.”) and then make a plan to do better next time.

Finally, appreciate what was good.  I missed today’s workout but I did make it into the gym four other times this week.  My presentation didn’t go that well but I did finish two other projects this week.  Yeah, I had that extra piece of pie but almost all of my meals this week were nutritious and good for me.

So the next time you feel yourself grabbing the hammer, just say “Stop!”  Make it a habit of cutting these thoughts down and replacing them with words and thoughts that move you closer to where you want to go.

 

What were some of the things you’ve said to yourself today?