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The Art of Un-Manliness (Appreciating Your Gifts and Talents)

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“Do not fall prey to the false belief that mastery and domination are synonymous with manliness.”

– Kent Nerburn

I volunteered to help out at my daughter’s musical production of “The Wizard of Oz” a few weekends ago.  When I walked into the workshop, I already knew I was in trouble.  The place looked like something out of This Old House.  Wood, nails, and power tools were on the floor.  Guys with tool belts, safety goggles, and tape measures were walking around pounding and sawing.  Let me be perfectly clear – this is not my element.  I have trouble putting together Ikea furniture.  When there’s a problem with the sink or when the power goes out…I call my wife.  In short, I am no handyman.

The head builder/volunteer/foreman must have assumed that I had some kind of skill because he started asking me to grab a 3/8th something or other and cut a 45-degree blah-blah using an electric thingamajig.  When he told me to pick up a power saw and start cutting, I had to come clean about not understanding a word he was saying.  I envisioned cutting off my hand and spewing blood all over the Emerald City.  I asked if I could just paint or nail something.  All at one time I felt embarassed and un-manly.

Whenever I read a men’s magazine, a list of “Things a Man Should Know” inevitibly shows up.  It usually includes things like:

Fix a flat tire
Cook a perfect steak
Teach their kid to ride a bike

Have basic construction/handyman skills

We’ve all envied other people for possessing skills that we lack.  Sometimes I wish I could easily build or fix things around the house, be more comfortable in social situations, or know how to build a slick-looking Excel spreadsheet.  When I was younger, my lack of certain skills bothered me, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to appreciate the skills and gifts I do possess.  So the next time you feel un-manly or envious of someone else, keep these things in mind:

Accept that everyone has their own unique gifts and talents: We were created to be unique individuals, each with our own strengths (and weaknesses).  Everyone has something to offer – including you – even if you don’t think so.

Use what you have:  OK, so I couldn’t saw wood using a table saw.  So what?  I could still paint, hammer and drill.  I wasn’t completely useless.  Find what you can do and do that.  Every little bit helps.

Acknowledge and appreciate your gifts: Never take your skills for granted, and more than that, don’t belittle them.  I appreciate the things I can do well, knowing they’ve gotten me to where I am today.  You may not be able to create a spreadsheet, but people come to you when they need a report edited or something written.  You aren’t the best athlete, but other athletes come to you for advice on nutrition or exercise regimen.  Love your gifts and maximize them.

Learn it: Just because you’re weak at something doesn’t mean you can’t get better at it.  With the internet, “how to” do anything is pretty much at your fingertips.  Go to the library, have a friend teach you, loiter at your local bookstore.  If I really wanted to, I could probably learn what a 3/8th something or other is and how not to cut my hand off using a power saw.

Most of all, know that there’s probably someone out there who envies and respects your abilities and the things that you do well.  Keep that in mind the next time your ego tells you to grab the power saw when you have absolutely no clue about what you’re doing.  You may feel temporarily un-manly, but at least you’ll still have both hands and all of your fingers.

Can you identify your unique gifts and talents?

Seven Tips For Your Next Job Interview

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I was recently asked to conduct a few job interviews at my work.  It’s been years since I last interviewed for a job, and seeing how young some of the candidates were, I forgot just how long I’ve been in the workforce.  In sitting through these interviews, a few things stood out in my mind.  If you’re preparing for a job interview in the near future, here are a few of my suggestions:

Show some personality.  I don’t mean tell jokes or be obnoxious, but show some life.  Smile.  Lean forward.  Have some enthusiasm.  When someone’s asking you about your family or favorite activities, it shouldn’t look like you’re going through an IRS audit.

Ask questions.  At the end of an interview, if you don’t have any questions for the interviewers, it comes off like: 1) you’re not that interested in the job; and 2) you really don’t care if you get the job or not.  Your follow-up questions are a sign to the interviewer(s) that you’re engaged and are serious about working for the company.

Activities matter.  You’re not sleeping at the office, so what are you doing in your off time?This is another opportunity to display a little bit of your personality.  Interests show that you have a life outside of work.  Plus, you might just have something in common with whomever is interviewing you – and connecting in a job interview is critical.

Know why you’re there.  If you can’t tell me why you’d be a great fit for the position or if you can’t tell me why you want to work for the company, these are red flags.  This screams, “I am unprepared.” Or worse, “I just want a job.”  Don’t make it look like you sent a thousand resumes out and you happened to luck out with this company.

Answer the question.  If you have taken the time to prepare for the interview, that’s great.  But don’t be so stuck on your answers that you can’t adapt or be flexible to a question you haven’t prepared for.  In other words, don’t try cramming in your pre-programmed answer to a question that doesn’t even relate. For instance:

Interviewer: What kind of management style do you prefer?

Candidate: I’m a team player.  If I’m given a task, I’ll work until it’s completed to the best of my ability.  If I have any problems, I’ll go and ask one of my co-workers.  I can work independently and am a real go-getter.

Huh?  You didn’t answer the question.

Show that you can hit the ground running.  We’re hiring someone because we need help.  You might not be a perfect candidate, you might not have all of the skills or experience, but if you give the impression you are ready and willing to do whatever it takes – that goes a long way.  Saying you’re willing to work late or learn what you need to learn with enthusiasm is appealing – especially for a department that is desperate for help.

Be careful with your grammar.   Believe me, I’m guilty of this one, too.  But then again, I’m not the one in the interview hot seat.  The knock on Gen Y job candidates is that they are poor face-to-face communicators and that they prefer to have a conversation electronically.  So it doesn’t help when your answers are interspersed with “uh,” “like,” “umm,” and my favorite, “You know what I’m sayin’?”  As in, “I’m down for you to hook me up with a job.  You know what I’m sayin’?”

The fact that you’ve been invited to interview for a position is a great sign.  It means something in your resume or job application piqued enough interest to warrant a closer look.  Your interview is a chance to seal the deal.  It would be a shame to throw the opportunity away on mistakes that could have been avoided.  Get excited, come prepared, kill the interview and go home to answer that call from HR offering you the job.

What are some of your best job interview tips?

How To Get That Awesome Pre-Workout Buzz

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I love a good pre-workout buzz.  Some people eat fruit or nuts, others guzzle down a protein shake.  Me, I like experimenting with different pre-workout supplements to give me that shot of adrenaline.

I blame it all on Ephedrine.  If you’ve ever taken Ephedrine, a stimulant and appetite suppressant that was widely used years ago, you know what I’m talking about.  Banned in the mid-2000’s, this was the most powerful pre-workout supplement I’d ever taken. Granted, there were some side effects (like the inability to sleep at night or unknowingly rapping out loud the lyrics to “Momma Said Knock You Out”) but moving a crazy amount of weight or not “dying” while doing cardio made it well worth it.

I see guys in the gym or at the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu academy slamming Red Bull, Mountain Dew, Rockstar, or other drinks prior to their workout. For me, these drinks make me nauseated.

If you’re looking for a good workout buzz, here’s a quick rundown on some of the supplements I’ve recently used, from five stars (solid choice to get you going) to one star (you’re better off drinking a glass of milk and going to sleep).

A few caveats:

1) This is what worked/didn’t work for me.  Tolerance and reaction will be different for everyone.  For example, Ephedrine was great for me but a friend of mine didn’t feel a thing.

2) There are numerous other factors to consider.  Things like amount of sleep, stress and nutrition can all affect a supplement’s effectiveness.

3) I’ve seen some very detailed reviews on all of these supplements – down to how the little crystals dissolve in water.  Suffice it to say that all of the supplements mixed easily and tasted fine.

Coffee (5 stars):  It all starts with caffeine – the main ingredient in all of these pre-workout supplements.  There’s a reason Starbucks is full of students studying.  Because they can get their all-night cram on in multiple caffeinated ways.  Coffee doesn’t get five stars for the buzz only, but throw in cost, convenience, accessibility and simplicity and you have an all-around solid choice.  Drink one to two cups an hour before training.

Hyper FX – BSN (4 1/2 stars):  Like I said, I like to feel that buzz.  With Hyper FX you can feel it kick in, which gets you revved up for your workout.  The buzz eventually wears down after about a half-hour but your energy level stays pretty consistent.

Jack3d – USP Labs (4 stars):  I just tried this for the first time a few weeks ago.  The only reason I gave it a slightly lower rating than Hyper-FX was because it didn’t give me that pre-workout buzz.  Actually, there wasn’t really any buzz, but I could feel the supplement’s effects throughout my workout.

Amino Energy – Optimum Nutrition (3 1/2 stars):  Amino Energy is a decent product, but the effects came and went quickly.  I felt the buzz – for a few minutes.  Then it was gone.  I felt the workout energy, again for a few minutes, then it was gone.  Maybe it was my dosage.  I’ll probably give this product another shot.

 

Assault – MusclePharm and Xyience Xenergy Drink (2 stars each):  Here’s where I’m a little confused.  These are both energy supplements associated with mixed martial arts (MMA).  MMA athletes are some of the best conditioned and mentally tough athletes on the planet.  So I assumed their supplements would be great.  Not for me.  I didn’t feel a thing.  Again, going back to individual effects, maybe these just aren’t for me.  Actually, if you read user reviews, Assault is right up there with some of the highest rated pre-workout drinks.  Give it a try.  It might work differently for you.

So there you have it.  If you find yourself dragging to your next workout or just want that extra “oomph,” try one of these supplements.  Who knows, you might end up breaking a personal record or, at the least, catch yourself rapping “Momma Said Knock You Out.”

 

Do you have a favorite pre-workout supplement, food, or drink?

What Did You Do With Your Time Today?

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He who knows most grieves most for wasted time.

– Dante

 

A friend of mine recently told me how he once played Halo on his Xbox for 12 hours straight.   I remembered saying to myself, “Damn, that’s a long time to be playing video games.”  I was thinking about this conversation when I ran across a recent San Jose Mercury News article, “Endangered Dudes.”  The article talks about how kids are spending so much time watching porn and playing video games that their entire day is planned around these activities (eat, work/school, gaming, repeat).  The result – a generation of socially-inept youth.

I would never tell anyone how they should spend their time.  Whether it’s gaming, reading a book, running, doing martial arts, or watching re-runs of “Lost,” we all have our personal hobbies, interests, and passions.  But keep in mind that there is usually a cost when we do something for an inordinate amount of time.  For example, are you now dragging yourself around at school or work because you stayed up late to play Call of Duty?  Have you lost touch with your friends and family because you come straight home, plop on the couch, and watch TV for several hours?

Time is a precious commodity because it is limited.  Once it’s gone, we can’t get it back.

There are 168 hours in a week.  If you had to estimate, how many hours do you spend playing video games, surfing the internet, or watching TV?  Before you settle down with your Mountain Dew and pizza for your next 12-hour Halo session, keep in mind a few things:

What Are You Sacrificing?  Do you dream about starting your own business? Finding a significant other?  Losing 20 pounds? Learning a new language? Unless you plan to be the Halo champion of the world, the time you’re spending on one thing (like video games) is cutting into something else (like learning a new language).  Think about this when you catch yourself complaining about “not having enough time” to do certain things.

Be Honest With Yourself:  Charles Duhigg explains in his book, The Power of Habit, that our habits are triggered by some sort of reward.  For example, drinking or drugs allows us to temporarily escape from reality.  When stressed, we turn to “comfort” food.  What’s driving you to spend a lot of time doing that one thing?  What’s the payoff for you?  In identifying the reward, we can start looking for ways to alter our behavior.

Plan:  Be purposeful with your time and plan out when you’re going to play.  “I will play on the weekends for a maximum of four hours and only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for one hour.” Or better yet, make your playing time a reward. (“I will play one hour for each hour I spend working out or reading a good book.”)

Your time is extremely valuable.  We can do great things and enjoy our favorite activities (like video games) if we are mindful and deliberate with our time.  Know what you want, where you’re going, and keep asking yourself, “Is this the best use of my time?”

 

What’s your biggest time waster?

Your Blackjack Etiquette Cheat Sheet

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“I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi circle.”

– Mitch Hedberg

 

One of my favorite recreational activities is playing blackjack.  This past weekend, I had a chance to play at one of California’s many Indian casinos.  I was at my preferred spot, third base (seat to the dealer’s immediate right), when this young couple sat down in the middle of the table.  Now, whenever a table is going well (and this one was going well), there’s always a sense of dread whenever new players jump in.  These two ended up being OK.  They asked questions (“Should I hit?” or “Do I stay?”) and were pretty low key the entire time.

In all the years I’ve been playing blackjack, I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff, from guys “tilting” (losing all self-control) to near fistfights to unbelievable hot streaks.  And like any activity, there is proper etiquette.  For those new to the game, here’s your blackjack etiquette cheat sheet.  Print it out and carry it with you the next time you roll out with your buddies.

***Foul language warning.  A perfect example of what happens at a blackjack table.  From Ari’s language to 3rd base splitting face cards.***

Learn Basic Strategy: No, you’re not going to count cards.  Unless you are an MIT student, some kind of savant (Rain Man) or Alan from The Hangover, you need to learn basic strategy.  You will hear players or the dealer refer to “The Book.”  The “book” they’re referring to is basic strategy.  It’s about knowing when to hit and when to stay.  Some players actually play with a little strategy card in their hand.  Better to play with the strategy card in your hand than guess what you’re supposed to do next with the whole table watching.

Control Yourself: No one wants to hear you complain about other people’s play (“WHY did you do that?” or “I can’t believe you did that!”)  No one wants to watch you pound the table in disgust because you’ve been dealt 14 for five straight hands.  And there is no faster way to get kicked out of a casino than to start dropping f-bombs.  It actually makes the vibe at the whole table awkward and uncomfortable. Don’t be that guy.  That’s why you need to…

Have an Exit Plan:  This is easier said than done.  It takes a lot of self-discipline to get up and leave when you say you’re going to get up and leave.  One more hand becomes twenty more hands.  Know when you’re done.  At x number of losses.  At x amount of dollars.  Go get something to eat.  Take a nap.  People-watch.  Take a break and try again later (if you haven’t already blown through your cash).

Don’t Stare at Your Cards: This is why you need to learn basic strategy.  The cards aren’t going to somehow magically transform.  Make a decision.  No amount of concentrated brain power will turn your 15 into 20.

Please Don’t Hit and Run:  The table is in a good rhythm.  People are having a good time.  Don’t be the guy who walks by the table, plays one or two hands, then gets up and leaves.  Please find a table that is empty or where everyone is drunk.

Don’t Blame the Dealer:  See Control Yourself.  The dealer, as much as you may think, has no magical power over the cards.  Mary has been on her feet for eight hours.  The last thing she wants to hear is someone yelling, “Mary, you are KILLING me!”  “Mary, when is Lucy coming back from her break?”  Now granted, there are some dealers who are really great at interaction and making you feel at home.  And there are those who appear to be androids, mechanically dealing the cards.  Either way, your wins and losses are in the cards, not with the dealer.

Tip the Dealer: If you’re on fire, tip the dealer.  Like waiters and waitresses, dealers make a lot of their money from tips.  Better than tipping at one time, drop a bet for them on your next hand.  You’d be surprised at how some dealers come to life when they see that you’ve dropped as little as a dollar for them.  Believe me, they appreciate the consideration.

LEAVE: Get up a winner.  All gamblers know that dreadful feeling of having won and lost all of their winnings.  Set a goal.  Once you hit it and if things are still going well, keep going.  Inevitably, however, you’ll know when that streak has come to an end.  Get up and walk to the cashier’s cage with a big smile on your face.  Know that you’ve beaten the house, this time.

What’s your favorite blackjack story?

The Comeback (Five Questions To Overcome Adversity)

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“Good fortune and bad are equally necessary to man, to fit him to meet the contingencies of this life.”

– French Proverb

 

I’m not a big tennis fan, but I was amazed at Serena Williams’ recent win at Wimbledon.  I remember reading about her injuries and failing health last year, and whether or not she would even compete again.  Just a few of her setbacks that kept her out of tennis for almost a year:

Cuts on both feet after stepping on broken glass
Two operations on her right foot

Blood clots in her lungs

“I just remember, I was on the couch and I didn’t leave the whole day, for two days. I was just over it. I was praying, like, `I can’t take any more. I’ve endured enough. Let me be able to get through this.'”

– Serena Williams

Now here she is a year later winning a Grand Slam title.

Everyone goes through adversity.  No one is immune or exempt from life’s curveballs. Illness.  Death.  Job loss.  Disappointments.  We’ve all had things happen to us where we look up and say, “Really?  Why me?” In the end, though, it’s how we deal with adversity that matters.

“What can I control?”  Read Eugene O’Kelly’s poignant book, Chasing Daylight, in which he chronicles his last months with terminal cancer.  One way of handling this devastating prognosis was to control what he could control.  That meant taking responsibility for his attitude and planning to live his last days on his own terms.  He couldn’t control the cancer that was killing him but there were other things he could control – and that’s what he focused on.

“What’s great about this?” A question posed by Tony Robbins.  Find the one (or more) bright spot(s) in your dilemma.  What is the lesson to be learned?  What can I take away from this?  How will this make me a better or stronger person?

“Will this matter next year?” I’ve mentioned this in prior posts.  Richard Carlson’s (“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”) lesson.  Right now things are brutal, terrible.  You blew a major presentation.  You broke your leg.  You had a major falling out with a close friend.  One year from now, will this matter?  There will be other presentations.  Your leg will heal.  You can always reconcile a relationship.  Time will pass and so will this moment and event.

“Do I need help?” Find support if you need it.  A close friend, relative, or counselor can offer you guidance and a shoulder to lean on.  If you’re not up to face-to-face conversation, maybe find some material in a book, website, or blog.  You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last person to go through your particular problem.  Learn from others on how to get through it.

“What am I thinking?”  Monitor Your Thoughts.  We can be our own worst enemy.  I recently wrote about my extreme weight gain after tearing an achilles tendon.  I wish I knew then just how much your own thoughts can further derail any hope of a quick recovery. Over and over, I was telling myself that it would be a long recovery, that I may not walk straight again, I’m getting fat, medical bills are piling up, etc.  Negative.  Negative.  Negative.  When these thoughts come, say “STOP!” immediately and replace the thought with something positive.  I’m getting better.  I’m going to get through this.  I’m mentally and physically strong.

Understand that life, in many instances, just happens.  There are times when life just doesn’t make sense.  Those head-scratching times that cause people to question (and sometimes lose) their faith.  Try not to over-analyze and over-think your situation.  There is no universal agenda to punish or torture you.  Just know that you’re fully equipped to handle any situation.  By getting through this tough time, you’ll be even stronger for the next challenge or obstacle.

How have you overcome adversity in the past?

Who Microwaved The Fish? And Other Embarrassing Work Moments.

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I was sitting in a meeting in one of our conference rooms a few months ago when I noticed a co-worker standing at the door.  She was peering into the room, kind of looking like Michael Myers in Halloween.  Assuming that she had the meeting room booked, we got up (two other guys and myself) and proceeded out.  In passing, she stopped me, looked at the papers in my hand and asked, “Did you take anything off of the printer?”  She was white as a ghost at this point.  I shuffled through my papers but didn’t see anything that didn’t belong to me.  We went into another conference room and as I was going through my papers again, I saw that I actually did have something of hers.  Her resumé.  Embarrassed that I didn’t find it to begin with, I ran back to the meeting room where it looked like she was preparing for a phone interview.  I sheepishly gave her back the resumé with a heartfelt, “My bad.”  Man, if looks could kill.

We’ve all had (or seen) embarrassing moments at work.  I’m not talking about things that get people hurt or fired, but situations where you look back (maybe even cringe) and think, “Damn, that was funny.”

About three years ago, I was part of this e-mail chain talking about a female co-worker who was in the hospital with a life-threatening illness.  Sadly, she passed away shortly after being admitted.  Unfortunately, like so many of us do with e-mail, one of the guys failed to read the entire message.  He must have stopped at “admitted to the hospital” because his “Reply All” message stated that he could stop by the mall and pick up flowers and a card for us to sign.  He added that he couldn’t “wait for her to get well and return to work.”  Ouch.  And let this be a lesson to those who hit “Reply All” when you send e-mail.

My most embarrassing moment at work happened when I first started with the company almost 18 years ago.  I was very much into health and fitness.  That day I brought rice and orange roughy, leftovers from the night before.  Keep in mind I was in my early 20’s and had no clue about lunchroom etiquette: Thou Shalt Not Heat Fish In The Microwave.  I placed my tupperware in the microwave and put it on high for three minutes.  About a minute later, my manager comes running into the break room and yells: “OK, who microwaved the fish?”  Immediately, I knew something was wrong.  My manager told me that the break room air ducts dumped into the office.  Sure enough, when we walked through the office, it smelled a little like Chinatown.  He had to walk around to individual desks and apologize to customers about the smell.  In the corner of my eye, I could see some of my co-workers pointing and laughing.  That was the last time I ever heated fish at work.

This is probably why we love TV shows like “The Office” and movies like “Office Space.” We can all relate to embarrassing moments and co-workers who are a little (or a lot) off. And even if we can’t admit it, maybe some of these characters remind us of ourselves.

What was your most embarrassing work moment?

The Random 42 (Life Tips) At 42

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“At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.”

– Benjamin Franklin

 

Celebrating my 42nd birthday, 42 random thoughts to think about (in no particular order). It’s around 10:00a.m.  I’m putting this down now because I suspect later I’ll be falling asleep from too much cake and ice cream.

 

Find your passions and what makes you happy.  Do as many of these things on a daily basis.  If your work is your passion and it makes you happy, consider yourself extremely blessed.

In reality, people care about you but don’t really care about what you’re doing (even if we think they do)…they have their own problems to worry about.  Do your own thing and don’t worry about what others think.

It’s not as bad as you think.  Like Richard Carlson (“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”) says, “Is this going to matter a year from now?”  Probably not.

Want versus need. (I want that 55-inch LCD HDTV but do I need it?)  I don’t even watch that much TV.  This is a good rule to follow in keeping purchases to a minimum.

No credit card debt.  No car payment.  “The borrower is slave to the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7)

I don’t care what anyone says.  The 80’s were awesome.

Never take your friendships for granted.  Real friends are a blessing and very hard to come by.

It only takes one act of betrayal to destroy years and years of trust.

At 42, I still love hip-hop.  By the way, old-school hip-hop is still the best.

The older you get, the more important diet and exercise are.  You can’t hide from these two, no matter how busy you are or how many excuses you make.  Consequences of ignoring one (or both) will eventually catch up with you.

Honor your father and mother.  Recognize the sacrifices they’ve made for you.

You can never show enough gratitude and appreciation for your blessings – no matter how small.

Read.  Don’t stop learning.

When your kid is talking to you, pay attention.  There will come a time where you wish they would talk to you more.

Do something special for your spouse.  This is the one person you probably take for granted the most.

It’s OK to have a guilty pleasure.  Like I said, I don’t watch that much TV, but I can tell you what recently caught my attention: The Pauly D Project, Tosh.0, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Storage Wars.  I look at it as junk food.  A little is OK now and then.

Do something different.  Go to a different restaurant.  Take a different way to work.  Talk to different people.

You may not like your job that much, that’s OK.  First, appreciate that you have a job then start looking for one that you will like.

Dream.  What does your ideal life look like three, five, ten, twenty years from now?  Start  moving towards that vision now.

Incorporate some type of faith or spirituality in your life.  The benefits have been well documented.

Forget about controlling other people.  You can only control you.

We all have comfort zones.  It’s hard and scary, but keep trying to expand your horizon by doing things you know you’re avoiding.

Never take your health for granted.  Ask anyone who’s had a life-threatening illness or an accident.  Your entire outlook on life changes.

Keep your ego in check.

Help someone else.  I try to keep in mind Zig Ziglar’s quote: “You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough people get what they want.”

There will always be someone smarter, better looking, richer, more accomplished, funnier and (insert description here).  So just do your own thing and stop comparing.

Small things count for big things.  A compliment, kind word, smile or act of generosity may just be what someone needs at that time.

Your time is limited.  Don’t waste it on things like anger, jealousy, greed, hate or anything else that keeps you from being happy.

Be more present.  Focus on right now.

Use your vacation days.  Is there really a perfect time to take vacation?  There will always be work waiting for you at the office.

Be selective about how you spend your time.  There are 168 hours in a week.  Do you really want to spend your days watching TV and playing video games?

You don’t have to be productive all the time either.  It’s OK to shut down and “veg” out for a while.  It’s good to let your mind and body take a breather.

I love the terms “The Resistance” and “Lizard Brain.”  These are used to describe the voice in our head that tells us we are not good enough, smart enough, or even crazy for wanting to do things we really want to do.  The fact we can identify the voice means we can also acknowledge it and tell it to please be quiet.

When someone is talking to you – listen.  Don’t be one of those people who cuts others off mid-sentence or begins the sentence with “I.”

Don’t be a M.O.E. (Master of Everything) or Topper (great Dilbert character who is always trying to “top” someone else’s story).  No one likes to be around these kind of characters.  Stay humble.

Healthcare is a hot-button topic right now.  Thank God for healthcare.  If you have coverage, consider it a blessing.

Have an emergency fund.  It’s nice to know you have a small cushion to cover new tires, a new refrigerator, worn down brakes, or anything else that needs to be replaced or fixed.

Once a year (I do it around the holidays), drive around your childhood neighborhood and old stomping grounds.  For me, it brings back great memories and helps me to appreciate where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and where I am today.

Be accountable and responsible.  Everyone immediately knows who “that” guy is.  The one who won’t hesitate to throw others under the bus at the first sign of trouble.

It’s OK to screw up and make mistakes.  Look at these events as learning opportunities, not defining moments.

As we get older, our analytical (grown-up, big boy) voice often drowns out our intuitive (gut feeling) voice.  It’s good to be cautious and to think through things, but sometimes we should go with what “feels” right.

Every morning, expect great things to happen.

 

 

What are some of your random life tips?

I’m Fat. So Now What? Six Tips To Get You On The Right Path.

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You might have seen or read about Drew Manning, the personal trainer who decided to gain 70 pounds of fat in six months and then get back into shape in six months.  Manning’s purpose was to better understand the physical and psychological issues that his clients go through when it comes to weight gain and to provide them with a blueprint as to how to get it off.

Almost 20 years ago I had my own unintentional Drew Manning experiment.  After tearing my Achilles tendon playing basketball, I was placed in a cast for three months.  Complications from recovery (my own fault, which will be a story for another day) caused me to remain basically immobilized for another three months.  Up until this time, I was like Drew Manning.  I had worked as a personal trainer, was in the gym six days a week, ate pretty clean and was really into the whole bodybuilding scene.

With the injury, things went south quickly.  Not being able to work out depressed me.  This depression, along with a lousy diet (see below), caused me to put on weight at an alarming rate.

The Fat-Boy Diet Plan

Breakfast:
Fried Eggs
White Rice
Bacon (or tocino, sweet cured pork)

Cap’n Crunch Cereal With Milk

Lunch:

Fast Food Meal (Don’t ask me why but it was usually Taco Bell.  Maybe because it was right across the street from the house.)

Dinner:
Some Sort of Baked/Fried/Grilled/Barbecued Meat
White Rice

Ice Cream or Some Sort of Dessert

PLUS: Soda, Chips, Candy, Crackers, Cookies, Filipino Sweets, Bread and/or anything else I could get my hands on.

In the next several months, I proceeded to put on roughly 60 pounds of fat.  I was now around a whopping 220.  I can go into all of the gory details but suffice to say I was wearing sweats a lot, I was short of breath walking from the driveway to the front door and my self-confidence/esteem was pretty much shot.

Fortunately I was surrounded by extremely supportive (and fitness conscious) people.  Within a year of gaining the weight and being able to walk again, I managed to get the weight off and return to my normal self.  I cannot begin to explain the physical and psychological relief that I felt when the weight finally came off.

This is an extreme example.  For most of us, job, family, personal responsibilities and other priorities usually get in the way of our diet and exercise.  Then one day you’re shaving and you notice your little pouch resting on the sink counter.  You take a picture with friends and see an extra chin starting to develop.  More commonly your “comfortable” clothes aren’t so comfortable anymore.

The fitness industry is a multi-billion dollar business.  There are a lot of people in the “I’m fat so now what?” boat.  There is an overwhelming amount of information available to you, so I won’t talk about exercise and diet.  Here are some things that helped me through my   own Drew Manning experience:

  • Set The Target: Losing weight is not a goal, it’s just a vague thought.  Be specific.  I will lose 50 pounds by this time next year.  I will fit comfortably into a (insert pants size here).  Like with any other goal, if you’re not specific, your mind will wander off the path.
  • Get Some Help: I’m not saying go out and hire a personal trainer and nutritionist (although that’s definitely an option).  But find a good guide to help you on your journey.  There are a million different resources and fitness personalities out there. Do some research and find someone (or some program) that feels right to you.  The amount of information can be overwhelming, so take your time.  For me, I used Bill Phillip’s “Body For Life” program.  I still use some of his principles to this day.
  • Find A Trigger: Motivation can be a fleeting emotion and often times it isn’t enough to sustain a long-term goal.  But like Nietzsche says, “A strong enough why can bear almost any how.”  For some, it could be a heart attack.  Others, the inability to play with their kids.  Mine?  Finding the guts to really look at myself in the mirror.  It made me sick.  That plus a friend’s wedding in several months.  I knew there would be people there I hadn’t seen in several years and I didn’t want to show up in the condition I was in.
  • Be Patient: This is the real killer right here.  Look, it took you an extended period of time to gain weight.  You won’t lose it all by next week.  People diet, exercise their butts off and then quit after two weeks because the scale only says they lost one pound.  Execute your plan knowing it’s going to take time.  Long-term weight loss is a lifetime commitment.  In other words, a marathon, not a sprint.
  • Find Enjoyable Activities: You shouldn’t be dragging yourself to the gym or your group fitness class.  Find an activity that you actually look forward to.  Martial arts, Crossfit, swimming, running, morning boot camp, alone, with friends or co-workers…whatever it is, do something you enjoy.  
  • Reward Yourself: A big vacation?  Major purchase?  New wardrobe?  When you hit your target, make sure you reward yourself big time.  You’ve sacrificed, planned, worked hard and reached your goal.  This is something worth celebrating.

 

What’s the most weight you’ve gained and how did you take it off?

 

Five Work Conference Observations

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If you’ve been in the workforce for any amount of time, more than likely you’ve been to some sort of work-related, multi-day conference or seminar.  I’m fortunate to work for a company that values continuing education, which means a budgeted amount each year is set aside for staff training.  I’ve been to a bunch of these conferences, from one day to week long events.  Some were really well done while others I think I would rather have saved the company some money by not going at all.  This past conference was a three day event in Orlando, Florida.

I enjoyed the conference and learned a lot.  Here are some of my post-conference observations (which could be said of any other events I’ve attended in the past):

You are not as smart or experienced as you think: I think of this as the big fish in the little pond.  In your own world, you might be the top dog.  The go to guy.  Then you go to one of these conferences and reality hits.  You meet peers and presenters that have an alphabet string of education and certification acronyms next to their name.  You saved your company a few thousand dollars and the guy next to you at lunch did something to save his company a few million dollars.  Meeting other people from around the country (or world) with a load of accomplishments and accolades can be a humbling experience.

You are smarter and more experienced than you think: I was sitting at this table next to a woman who just started her own consulting company.  She was talking about a class she had just taken having to do with giving expert testimony in court.  She asked me if I ever had to ever testify in court.  When I said yes, the whole table stopped to listen like those old EF Hutton commercials. Something I assumed a lot of people had done (at this particular conference) was actually the opposite.  People wanted to learn something from me.  So don’t discount your skills or experience as being inferior either.  You always have something of value to someone.

Man, I’m glad this class is almost done…time to get my drank on!

Take advantage and don’t take advantage: During class, I looked outside the window and noticed a bunch of people lounging outside, smoking and laying out.  This was during class time.  We’re not children anymore.  There’s no bell to let you know when to get to class and when to go to lunch.  With that said, your company spends a lot of money on these conferences.  The least you can do is attend and learn something.  Yes it’s hard to sit still for several hours, but the reason you’re there is to bring something back to help you and the company.  Don’t waste it by smoking the time away.

At the same time, there are great perks to attending these conferences.  Incorporate a family vacation, go see some local sights, eat at different restaurants.  This is one aspect of training seminars away from home that I really appreciate.  If you can get away and learn something too, it’s a win-win for you.

Target your learning: Usually conferences have “tracks” or multiple sessions. If so, take the classes that are going to be of value and interest.  Find a speaker that you really want to hear or has an interesting story.  If there’s a topic you or your company is struggling in, take that class and bring something back.  Don’t take something just because it’s the current hot topic.  Be deliberate and know why you’re attending a particular class.

Limit your comments: A pet peeve of mine relating to my first observation.  It never fails that someone in the class will be Mr. Know-it-all (“In my experience…”) or Mrs. Disagreement (“That’s not how we do it at our company.”)  There’s nothing more awkward than to watch a presenter’s face cringe when an audience member starts a monologue or becomes borderline combative.  Look, we get it.  You’re smart.  You’re experienced.  But no one wants to hear how smart and experienced you are.  If you want to share something, get in and get out.  Don’t make the rest of us suffer.

What are some of your work conference experiences?